


Velleity

by cheetoriko



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, M/M, NDRV3 Chapter 5 spoilers, New Dangan Ronpa V3 Spoilers, Pining, Unrequited Love, saimota
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 00:00:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheetoriko/pseuds/cheetoriko
Summary: If eyes are windows to the soul, then what does lavender haze and lilac pools and milky ways even mean? Whatever it means, it is a conspiracy that Kaito won't let Shuichi find the answer to (no matter if that answer is more beautiful than stardust).





	Velleity

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to mendeleev for beta reading this for me. I appreciate it a lot. 
> 
> This is just a thought I had during Chapter 5. Just me being self-indulgent to get through my writer's block.

The best thing about Kaito Momota were his eyes. 

Shuichi Saihara had learned that far too well, and he wouldn't be surprised if, in some moment of self-abasement, he recited it in his sleep. 

Shuichi supposes he can't be blamed for that though when every night the thing he saw before he went to sleep was Kaito Momota. It was almost as if his goal was to drill those violet orbs into Shuichi's head - and if that were the case, he was pretty damn conceited about it. 

Even when languishing on the grass, Kaito would appear more knowing with his chin propped high as he spread out like an eagle with his legs being his wings. His chest would be pumped out, as always, because Kaito would always make a point that he is not being and won't be weighed down by anything. 

And, of course, his eyes would be gazing up at the millennium of stars above. Shuichi wondered more than once if his stargazing was a form of modesty, as if he was trying to silently encourage people to look at the awe which is the universe instead of his eyes. Shuichi never yielded into that - no matter how breathtaking space might be. His eyes were bound into a contract with Kaito's eyes, so he was left always staring.

Staring and discovering realms in Kaito's own milky way and finding the taste of adrenaline just as good as he did when he was seven years old because he just kept uncovering hues upon hues of purples. Kaito's eyes sounded like his heart pounding in his ears, and they smelled like lilac pools, sparkling in the sun of summer vacation. Kaito had a glint in his eyes, and it was never soft, even when he was sprawled across the grass in the lateness of some night. It was the type of glint that just says: “You can trust me, you can rely on me”. It was the glint that probably let Kaito fly under the radar in every reckless thing he did because, God, Shuichi didn't know why people wanted to make a prodigy out of someone until he stared fully at Kaito Momota. Then, he wanted to listen and watch and read everything about Kaito Momota. He wanted to devour it all, and feel like he's in seventh heaven. He wanted that so much. 

It was only wish fulfillment though. Shuichi was on the very verge of just enveloping himself in Kaito Momota every night (one night, he even planned out how he would do it. How, so full of amateurism and adolescence and amazement, he would find himself crawled up near his shoulder, cuddling into his neck in hopes of hearing Kaito's pulse, that would probably sound like his favourite song last summer) - but Kaito would shut his eyes. It seemed like another lazy motion from Kaito, but to Shuichi, it hit him back into reality like a wet blanket. Kaito even had galaxies in his eyelids. It was unfair. 

The worst thing about Kaito Momota were his eyes. 

Because Shuichi never understood the appeal of one of those detective boards (in fact, he had grimaced when Ouma had thrown the idea at him, snarling so much that Shuichi knew it wasn't a suggestion) until he saw Kaito's eyes. Because Shuichi never wanted to wear a ball of string threadbare until he wanted to chain every picture of Kaito's eyes on that very detective board like Ouma had so mockingly suggested. Because Shuichi had memorised and had every angle of Kaito's eyes without a haze in his mind, and he was so sure that if he unlocked the box he had in his head where he stored this piece of heaven, every picture he had of Kaito Momota's eyes would be clearer than any photograph. 

But Kaito wouldn't allow that. He wouldn't let Shuichi map out the lavender maze that were held in his eyes. It was so unfair. It was the safest, most comforting thing that Shuichi ever knew but Kaito's eyes were windows to his soul, and Kaito never kept those windows open for too long. Kaito, for all his dashing smiles and passionate speeches, would never leave his soul out, exposed, long enough for anyone to absorb it completely and utterly. 

Kaito was so selfish, and Shuichi was so frustrated. He wanted to burst down the closed windows of Kaito's eyes, letting shards of glass fly everywhere, and not even flinch when his blood pressure spikes up like a rocket. He wanted to grip Kaito's shoulders, and hold his chin up higher than Kaito ever could, and just scream: “Why? Why won't you let me in? Do you think your soul is tarnished or something? Because it isn't. To me, really, it's the most beautiful thing I've known.” 

...Shuichi was so desperate. He wanted to drown in Kaito's eyes, smother and suffocate until he found a glimpse of a response. A response to “This is the first time I've fought to protect someone” (I want to protect you) and to “I've never been given a nickname like ‘Maki Roll’ before” (I've never felt as close to anyone) and to “I've never met someone as stubborn as you” (I just want you to let me in) and to “I've never fallen for someone before” (I love you. I love you so much.) 

The blood that rushes to Shuichi's cheeks prickle, stinging. Kaito still has his eyes closed, not giving any closure for Shuichi or Maki. 

Ah. 

This really isn't Shuichi's place to interfere. Everything that he once wanted from Kaito Momota turns into a bitter pang in his mouth. Because he isn't supposed to feel this way about Kaito Momota. He isn't supposed to want to know if Kaito's lips would lead him into a greater abyss than his eyes (if that was even possible, but Kaito made the impossible possible). He isn't supposed to want to have his “I love you” blurt out of his mouth and tumble over Maki's confession like dominos. That would be stupid. Shuichi is just the sidekick, and that leaves him restricted. Maki has no title, and that lets her be anything to Kaito. Lover has a nice ring to it, for her. Not for Shuichi. 

Shuichi gulps down the bitterness and closes his own eyes, no longer looking at Kaito. 

  
  
  



End file.
